Drunk Guys and Other Crazy Things
I just had a guy who I just met on a cruise who live a country away from me get upset because I would not have sex with him because 1 he’s drunk and 2 I don’t know him well enough…. What is up with...
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A very long story made very short…
Okay, I have to do this simply because I am extremely depressed, have no internet access here, and needed a happy goat. Mostly because happy goats make everyone feel better. So I went in search of one...
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The Reality of Life, Suicide, and Death
So I am single, older, and not rich. I have no children. People wonder why I am two steps from suicide on any given day. Well here it is, I took care of my father as he got old and eventually couldn’t...
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Why You Shouldn’t Attempt Suicide.
This is not your ordinary anti-suicide message. It will not contain things like you shouldn’t do it because your family will miss you or it’s not the answer because in fact suicide sometimes is the...
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Time to Engage in Dangerous Behaviors
This is one of those nights where every fiber in my body is vibrating and I can think of nothing more fun than sinking to my knees in front of the nearest stranger. Filthy bathrooms in worn out clubs...
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Apologies and obscenely happy goats
I am sorry to everyone who follows this blog. I have not posted in a while mostly because I haven’t written anything in a while. It’s funny when life gets in the way of well… life. It is not always...
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Moral Calculus
It is funny that people respond more to the rehashed photos and sayings that I include rather than what I am actually saying. This happens here as well as in reality. What is really funny about the...
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Memory in a Dream
Tonight is one of those nights where the nightmares are real and they just won’t stop. Where if I could bring myself to touch someone I might just want that contact. Not even the person I am currently...
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There is Nothing Again
In the past weeks I have tried to write honestly I have. Unfortunately everything seems to be coming out just wrong. It is like I can no longer use writing to articulate what is in my head and even the...
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The Clowns are chewing away in the most painfully unpleasant fashion
A hate has been rising up in me. It started as a slow burn that only twinged a little bit. You know the feeling when you see, do, or have done to you something that is only slightly unjust. It can be...
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Not Me
I have not been myself lately or rather I have been too much myself lately locked inside my own little world begging for escape. I look around at the people with me who don’t know me at all and slip...
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Public Stigma and Reasons for Hiding
I speak often of the depression I suffer from. Sometimes it is in graphically descriptive terms as many of my posts are and other times it is plainly as this post is shaping up to be. I recently went...
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Please Excuse My Rant
I am extremely disappointed in a variety of things lately. It amazes me that things like depression, suicide, and agoraphobia are still miss understood. Recently I was dragged from my home, handcuffed...
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Downward Spiral
A unique look at what wanders around in the darkness that is my mind. All of the slithering, slick things that twist and curl their way around important parts, beautiful memories. Corrupting them...
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On the Edge of a Blade
My eyes slip closed and my head slips back with a soft thump against the concrete wall. I keep my eyes closed knowing all to well what I will see it is what my body feels right now. I want to open my...
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Random bits of writing
Pulling into a nearby truck stop he looked around with eyes that were not exactly his and not exactly sane. Finding a one at the truck stop wasn’t difficult, since he got back he could feel them. It...
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Never Be
I will never be normal I will never be thin I will never be pretty I will never be loved When asked how others would describe me I say; arrogant, ugly, worthless, tired, aggressive, broken, fractured,...
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Not OK
He said he would love me but was scared of the 1% of the time I was crazy. So he doesnt want me. Why does that bother me? Because I don’t want me. No one does. Obsecro, mihi facultas videndi Deum...
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What I want
I offer to let you use me in any way that you want – no request is too strange or unusual. I would love for you to do to me what pops into that wonderfully wicked brain of yours. Ever wonder why… every...
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